Why Does Life Have to Be So Hard?

... because life is not suppose to be easy?

... because it would be sweeter when it gets better?

Sigh.

I have a million thoughts running through my brain now and I have no answers.

I realised that I have not been planning enough for my future. I have wasted several years and I really regret it now. I feel that pain when I think of all the lost time that cannot be found again.

I get by one day at a time. As long as I can make it to the end of each day, that was good enough for me. It did not matter if I had achieved anything out of it or if I have lived it to the fullest. Surviving through the day was all that mattered.

Looking back at my life, I have many regrets. I guess decisions are hard to make at any point in time. Hindsight is always 20/20. My biggest regret is the lack of planning for the future. I look at my life now and I cannot think of anything that is of a worthy accomplishment.

I ask myself what have I been doing for the last two years?

All I did was sell my soul to my employers. Work kept me so busy that I missed so many things last year. I missed both Mother's and Father's Day because I had to work and handle roadshows. I nearly missed my Dad's birthday because I was doing unpaid overtime. I rushed home just in time before midnight to have my parents waiting for me to cut the birthday cake. I missed numerous family gatherings, friend's outings and basically most things that make life worth living for.

Looking back I ask myself if all of this is worth it. I honestly cannot imagine this as my life forever.

I really wish someone could tell me what I am doing wrong or tell me what I can do to make things feel right.

This cannot be a life worth living for if everyday I am just merely surviving.