Losing Faith

I'm so sorry I know I deserve the world's lousiest blogger title. I've got pictures from Halloween party at Zouk, stay tuned for the next update!

There are just a lot of things on my mind which my puny sleep-deprived brain can't really process. I really don't understand why some people just don't seem to understand how much they hurt people unintentionally. Do they really think that people enjoy being misled and having the anxiety of not know what comes next? People around me just seem to inflict hurt with little regard whatsoever.

I'm not sure if I'm the one being too considerate and trying too hard to please everyone. I find myself always in a place to try and help make things better for people. I've been aimlessly waiting around for people who come compulsively late, still making an effort to go out with them time and again despite their shortcomings and worry about them when they subconciously try to destroy their own lives, yet I keep getting slapped in the face again and again. By slap - I do mean it figuritively.

It really doesn't seem to pay to care anymore.


I honestly just don't get it.


Then there's another thing about men, scummy men to be particular, I think I've seen enough to be slightly jaded on relationships.


Just last week someone whom I almost got together with just confessed to me that if he had a choice he would choose to be with both of us - us being his current girlfriend and myself. I can't say I comprehend him having the audacity for saying such a thing, yet the sad part is that he's not the first one to say such a thing to me. It's a sad sad world isn't it? I don't know what the world has come to, or is it that I tend to meet men at the wrong time. Is there something about me that they just can't let go off and the only solution is to cheat behind their other half? And the most painful question that I ask myself is why can't they have the courage to choose me? I really wonder... It makes me go hmmmmm... I'm not even sure if I want to find out the answer.

A few months ago, I walked past this tarot card reader along the street. He gave me a reading session which was pretty accurate and I was quite happy about it as it confirmed what I needed to do about my life. Before he ended the reading, he told me that I would be meeting a new guy who would be the man of my dreams. We exchanged numbers so that I could contact him when I needed another reading as he constantly moves around. After I left, he texted me saying that he was sorry for saying this but he had found me attractive. He also took the liberty to highlight the fact that he was unhappily married and was presently seeking divorce. I ignored the bulk of his messages and he wasn't very pleasant after he got tired of my indifference.

After some thought, I was questioning the entire accuracy of the reading session. I couldn't help but think that he had manipulated the reading, in other words, he was implying that he was going to be the new person in my life. Sounds kinda warped doesn't it, but I guess I'll never find out the truth...

At this rate, I'm not sure who is saying things behind my back or lying right in front of my face.


I can't tell who are the ones hiding daggers behind their smiles.


Nothing seems real to me anymore.