To Love and Be Loved
Moulin Rouge was on TV this evening and I heard this line being sung by Christian, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
I guess I should be contented with just 50% fulfilment in just being able to love. Satine the female lead died tragically in the end anyway so I guess it should be comforting to know that my end wouldn't be as tragic.
Concerned words have been pouring in from friends who have noted my unseemingly despondent nature. I'll find another, they say comfortingly, it just hurts like a tiny pinch whenever I hear it. I know that it probably isn't difficult to find someone else, but in my heart I know that the difficult part lies with finding someone who loves you back in return and in the same way.
No one seems to understand how I feel inside.
All the anger, pain, hurt, resentment, exasperation, despair.
It just consumes me sometimes. I really cannot take it anymore.
I've become a wreck that I do not recognise anymore.
I tell myself to not let myself go to that place. The place where I fall into every now and then and I cannot find the way out. Everything that I once valued and cherished are just seem so far away beyond my reach.
I really wish I can tell you that I will be okay and I will get better. I really want to change and get on with my life. Why can't you all see that he was my life? I really wish it was as easy as just snapping my fingers and all the sadness would just go away. Don't you think I would like to close that chapter of my life? Don't you think I'm trying as hard as I can? Do you think telling me I'm better off without him and that I should just forget about him, it would makes things better?
Sometimes when I think of him, tears would just well up in my eyes. I think of all the good times that we had spent together. All the laughs we shared. All the times he was there for me. All the promises we made. All these have become painful memories. They trigger a flood of tears and sometimes I just can't seem to stop.
Many times I've questioned myself, is this how I should go on? Am I getting better or am I getting worse? Is shutting him out completely the answer? I wish there was someone who could tell me what I am suppose to do?
I just feel like going somewhere far far away and disappear....
I guess I should be contented with just 50% fulfilment in just being able to love. Satine the female lead died tragically in the end anyway so I guess it should be comforting to know that my end wouldn't be as tragic.
Concerned words have been pouring in from friends who have noted my unseemingly despondent nature. I'll find another, they say comfortingly, it just hurts like a tiny pinch whenever I hear it. I know that it probably isn't difficult to find someone else, but in my heart I know that the difficult part lies with finding someone who loves you back in return and in the same way.
No one seems to understand how I feel inside.
All the anger, pain, hurt, resentment, exasperation, despair.
It just consumes me sometimes. I really cannot take it anymore.
I've become a wreck that I do not recognise anymore.
I tell myself to not let myself go to that place. The place where I fall into every now and then and I cannot find the way out. Everything that I once valued and cherished are just seem so far away beyond my reach.
I really wish I can tell you that I will be okay and I will get better. I really want to change and get on with my life. Why can't you all see that he was my life? I really wish it was as easy as just snapping my fingers and all the sadness would just go away. Don't you think I would like to close that chapter of my life? Don't you think I'm trying as hard as I can? Do you think telling me I'm better off without him and that I should just forget about him, it would makes things better?
Sometimes when I think of him, tears would just well up in my eyes. I think of all the good times that we had spent together. All the laughs we shared. All the times he was there for me. All the promises we made. All these have become painful memories. They trigger a flood of tears and sometimes I just can't seem to stop.
Many times I've questioned myself, is this how I should go on? Am I getting better or am I getting worse? Is shutting him out completely the answer? I wish there was someone who could tell me what I am suppose to do?
I just feel like going somewhere far far away and disappear....
saccha went to bed sometime after 12:16 AM
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